Stress can have many impacts on our emotions, bodies, and the stories we tell ourselves. While some pressure is healthy and pushes us to do our best, stress can also have an adverse impact on the way we work. Left unchecked, emotions can run wild, bodies can burn out and the stories in our heads can go array.
The best tool in our toolbox to counter stress? Changing your inner narrative.
Think back to the last time you dealt with a high-stress situation. What was the inner dialogue that played out as you experienced the stress? What stories did you attach to? What was the tone in which you spoke to yourself?
For example, let’s say you missed a deadline and began to experience the stress of disappointed team members and a delay in the overall timeline. You feel all of the emotions as a result: frustration, anger, and disappointment. You may also feel your jaw clench or shoulders tighten when you think about it. What were you saying to yourself at the time? Did you say something judgmental like, “you’re lazy and didn’t work hard enough. You don’t deserve the responsibilities that have been given to you.”? Or do you speak to yourself as a friend, saying something like, “you’ve been under a lot of pressure recently, and one missed deadline does not make you a failure.”?
Most individuals will acknowledge they speak to themselves in a harsh and judgmental tone, especially when stress is high. When this occurs, our mind begins telling stories. “You always fall short when the stakes or high” or “I’m a person who crumbles during stressful times.” Negative thoughts quickly turn into more profound stories about who we are, if we’re not careful.
Earlier in my career, I used to be extremely hard on myself. I started to change that habit by simply being aware of my inner voice. As I did this, I was shocked by how abrasive I was speaking to myself. With the deeper awareness came the ability to interrupt the thought with a replacement phrase. I liked this one: “I am human, and I make mistakes.” I began this practice by writing it on a Post-It as a visual cue, which was helpful until it became intuitive.
I later learned that what I was doing was Neuro Linguistic (NLP) programming, which shows that replacing negative words with positive ones teaches our brains to think more positively.
After a few months, with my trusty Post-It always on my laptop, I noticed I needed the reminder less and less. But something else happened – I began to change the tone and mindset of how I entered new projects. By changing my inner narrative, I moved into a new narrative – all fueled by the micro-action of changing how I spoke to myself about stress.
What inner narrative can you flip? What mantra would help you reframe stress and disappointment? Whatever you choose, make sure you believe it, and it directly combats the negative thought process that usually bubbles up.