An often-overlooked-but-essential leadership skill set is emotional intelligence (EQ). It’s the ability to understand your emotions and the emotions of others to communicate and overcome challenges effectively.
EQ is used to:
Create and maintain healthy relationships
Harness self-awareness to better relate to others
Self-regulate your own emotions in a variety of environments
Empathize with others who are different from you
While the ability to have high emotional intelligence is nothing new -it was first coined in 1990 by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer- it continues to grow in awareness and application. It’s impossible to be a good leader without high emotional intelligence. The good news is EQ is like a muscle; it can be strengthened over time with practice. But first, you must start with a baseline awareness of how strong your emotional intelligence is.
While there are tons of online assessments to use, a great way to start is to identify the emotions that you’re feeling. I recommend starting with Geoffrey Roberts’s Emotion Wheel. The next time you’re feeling a strong emotion, give it a name and reference the wheel. Then, get specific with your feelings. For example, you may start with the emotion of anger and in getting specific, discover that you’re actually feeling disrespected. By getting specific, you can develop vernacular around your emotions, bringing in greater awareness and, eventually, higher emotional intelligence.
Here are different scenarios to practice emotional intelligence or leverage it to supercharge your leadership:
Scenario 1: Negotiating a High-Value Deal. Emotional intelligence is your secret weapon when it comes to negotiation. If you tap your EQ skills correctly, you can reflect on what the other person most wants, what they will be willing to let go of, and what you need most. You’ll be able to see commonalities and shared values.
Scenario 2: Leading and Engaging an Unengaged Team. When a team is unengaged, it’s the leader’s job to course correct. What is really causing the team to be unengaged? When you look at the Emotion Wheel, what reasonable conclusions can you draw about how they are feeling? How can you empathize with their frustrations?
Scenario 3: Navigating Difficult Conversations. Every difficult conversation can be made easier by using emotional intelligence. In doing so, you can regulate your own emotions, better understand someone else’s emotions, and be open to new perspectives. As with every difficult conversation, go into it with what you want the result to be; this can be spending some time ahead of the conversation to deescalate your own heightened emotions, understand where the other person is coming from, and where you can find common ground.
How do you plan to strengthen your emotional intelligence? Once you do, where are you most looking forward to putting it into practice?